Should we finish it? (Yes.) Yeah? Can you still laugh? (Yes.) Or you’re too tired to laugh? (No.) No? OK. Does somebody need to go to the airport? No? (I think not.) Are you still OK? If you have to go, you go.
A young man had been sitting in the drawing room [for] a long time, and it was getting late. Suddenly, the door opened and her (his girlfriend’s) father entered. He coughed a little bit, cleared his throat, and then said, “Do you know what time is it?” The young man arose hurriedly, stammered a few words, and in a moment or two, was gone. “Is your young friend an idiot or what?” asked the father of the girl who stood looking into the mirror. “Why?” the daughter asked, a little irritated. The father said, “Well, I just asked him if he knew the time, because my watch had stopped and he simply left.” Understand? He felt like he wanted to get rid of him or something.
A salesman said to a farmer, “Why don’t you buy a car?” The farmer said, “Well, I’d much rather buy a cow(-person).” So, the salesman said, “You’d look pretty silly riding around on a cow(-person).” So, the farmer said, “Not half as silly as I would look milking a car.” My God. All very professional.
Mother said to Johnny, “I left two pieces of (vegan) cake in the cupboard this morning, and now there’s only one piece left. Can you explain?” Johnny said, “Well, I suppose it was too dark. I didn’t see the other one.”
Excusez-moi (Excuse me). It’s only 8 o’clock, 8:30 (PM).
The students in the composition class were assigned the task of writing an essay on “The Most Beautiful Thing I Ever Saw.” The student, who of all the members of the class seemed the least sensitive to beauty, handed in his paper first with astonishing speed. It was short and to the point. He had written thus: “The most beautiful thing I ever saw was too beautiful for words.” Cheating.
A father, who had five children, came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present. Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mother, and does everything he or she is told? He inquired [of] all the five children. So, they were silent for a while and then they all answered in one voice, “You play with it, Daddy.” He’s the only one that fits the description.
A young waitress in a cafe in John’s building waved hallo to him every day. John was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he is. So, one day she waved and beckoned to talk to John again. So, John strode over. She asked, “Are you single?” “Why, yes!” John said immediately. She said, “So is my mom. Would you like to meet her?” Dreaming about it.
A teacher said to the students, “Boys, I have a riddle to ask you. There’s something wearing beautiful feathers, and it can wake you up every morning. What is it?” So, John said, “A feather duster. With which father wakes me up every morning?” They have a duster, made of feathers. It’s not too funny, is it?
One day in a class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition. “If I am a manager” – that’s the title for it. All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason why he’s not writing. So, the boy answered, “I am waiting for my secretary.” If he’s a manager, he has a secretary to type his things. No? That makes sense. (Yes.)
A husband and wife drove for a long time in silence after a terrible argument in which none of them spoke. So the husband pointed to a mule(-person), a donkey(-person) in a pasture, and said, “Relative of yours?” (Oh.) So, the wife said, “Yes, by marriage.” The in-laws, the in-law’s side.
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of (vegan) chocolate chip cookies. So, a boy wrote a little note there, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples over there, not here.” Probably they have a picture of God in the other corner where the apples are.
At the age of 16, Johnny decided to leave home and join a theater company. So his father was very upset, appalled. “A son of mine on the stage? It’s a disgrace. What if the neighbors find out?” So, the comic-to-be said, “I will change my name.” His father screamed, “Change your name? What if you are a success? How will the neighbors know it’s my son?” Whatever you do. Huh?
Oh, man. OK. We had all the best before, I guess. So now it’s difficult to squeeze a laugh out of you. Just laugh man, it’s good for you. Laughter is supposed to be good for you even if you pretend. One way to, on the way to the… Oh, I think we had read this already. Oh. Finished, thank God! Oh, finished. Hurrah! Thank you. Good audience. Oops. Oops. Oops. Oops. Oops. Whoever laughed the most, raise hand? Now you all raise hands. You can still make up for it. Ha-ha-ha! (That was good. It bounced on his head. That was funny.) You know what? These taste very good. (Yes.) Please help each other. This old woman is a little bit tired now. (Oh.) That’s all your fault. You didn’t laugh hard enough. (Oh.) (You entertained us all night.) (You’ve entertained us all night.) Yeah, I know. It’s my job. No? (No.) Stand-up comedian.
There you are. This is good stuff. (Yes.) Very nutritious and not fattening at all. (Thank, You.) You got it? (Oh, I like this!) No, you didn’t? Well, lucky, only… not everybody gets it, but some. There you are. (Thank You very much, Master.) (Thank You very much, I did not have.) Did not have? (Throw this last one in the corner.) The last one. La finie (Finished). The rest are yours, anyway. Enjoy! (Thank You.) (Can I help You, Master?) It’s alright, love. OK, yeah, you can do. Yeah, why not? Have fun. Thank you. (Thank You, Master.) (Thank You.)
If you go home, be happy, OK? (OK.) (We love You so much.) (Thank You.) We have the best of everything. Right? (Yes.) Whatever happens. Right? (Yes.) We have the best. We just had some Chilean film on [Supreme Master] TV, from Chile. Yesterday. (We have sent quite a lot.) Did you see it? (Every week we send shows and stuffs.) Yeah? (Yes.) Whatever she said.
It was nonstop. (The food just kept on coming and they didn’t stop eating.) There’s more. There’s some new (vegan) soup coming. (Yes.) So maybe you wait a little bit, have some warm soup. Don’t worry, just come here, come here. It’s OK. New soup’s coming. (Yes.) I just want to tell you soup is coming. (Thank You.) (Thank You, Master.) So don’t eat too much of the old, there’s a new one in a few minutes. Just ask them how long. (Thank You, Master.) (Thank You.) So warm here. It’s pretty warm. Not that great. (Yes.) It’s not that great, and it could get even worse. Like Finland, Alaska places like that. There’s some new (vegan) soup coming. OK, guys? Are they good? (Yes.) Not too bad, huh? But there’s a new soup, big soup. Soup [will come] very soon, right? (Yes.) Make sure to eat the new one. Go ask how long it’ll take. Tell everybody to take all the goodies.
Photo Caption: “A Warm Handshake A Solidarity-Promise”
